When I came home from the hospital after giving birth, I was
struck by the helplessness of the tiny creature nestling in my arms. Completely,
utterly helpless. The only two things she knew how to do were suck and cry. Her
needs consisted of food, warmth, cleanliness, sleep and love. The most basic,
inherent human needs.
And it was
my job to care for her. To comfort her when she cried, to discern an inflection
in these cries which would tell me if she was hungry, needed a change, had gas,
etc.
I became physically
tired, but also emotionally – it hurt so much to hear my baby cry! Calmer,
veteran mothers told me simply, “She’s a baby. Babies cry.” I could not accept
that, so I frantically tried to discern what she wanted, keeping bottle, clean
diaper, spit-up cloth on hand at all times so I could figure out what the
problem was and address it asap! My franticness, though, just made me more and
more addled. And the more addled I got, the harder it was for me to fall asleep
(when the baby slept, of course. Sleep when the baby sleeps, these veteran
mothers said.). And the harder it was for me to fall asleep, the more tired I was,
and the more addled I got!
Oh, the
circle of life. It lasted about a month, but it felt like forever. So I had two
choices: either calm down, or go crazy. I preferred the second, but my husband strongly
supported the first. (Since neither could convince the other, we ended up compromising.)
It’s only
now, that baby is nearing the benchmark of a year, and my wits have somewhat returned,
that I look back with twenty-twenty hindsight and realize that besides for
taking care of baby, my needs consisted of the following (in priority order):
- Sleep
- Eat
- Communicate with my husband (about the baby)
- Shower
Yes, I’m embarrassed to say that
shower was last. But hey, clothes aren’t even on the list. In that first month,
I really had no other needs, desires or wants besides for these basic, inherent
human ones.
Exactly like my baby!
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